


HALF A MAN

by chuckalicious



Series: LOVE MY WAY - it oneshots [6]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Richie Tozier, Amputee Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak is So Done, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Idiots in Love, M/M, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Sad Eddie Kaspbrak, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26217370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuckalicious/pseuds/chuckalicious
Summary: in which eddie kaspbrak survives neibolt. his newfound disability doesn't make richie love him and less, though.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: LOVE MY WAY - it oneshots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730359
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	HALF A MAN

eddie kaspbrak didn't think he would survive neibolt.

he barely even remembers anything other than straddling richie tozier's lap in that dark cave, so proud of himself for stabbing the dreadful clown that, little did he know, lurked behind him. he was honestly about to lean down and kiss his childhood best friend on the lips to try and suck him out of the deadlights, like he remembers ben doing to beverly, but richie's eyes had widened and he had looked down and there was something piercing through him. 

they had somehow dragged him out of there before the whole thing could collapse, and they had all immediately rushed him to the hospital, his limp, unconscious body in richie tozier's arms. one of his arms had been almost detached from his body and they didn't know if they could save it or not. 

the hospital visit is long. it's so boring eddie wants to just pull the plug and get it over with (even though he's not even on life support). he's in there for weeks after they operate on him and get his chest stitched back together. 

when he wakes up after a pretty long, first procedure, soon after neibolt, he looks over at richie and bill, the only two of his friends that came to see him that day, and then he looks down and his left arm is gone. 

it's terrifying, to say the least. his eyes widen, immediately staring at the nub of skin cut just above his forearm, and before he knows it, he's crying. he's a grown man and he's bawling his eyes out like a baby in front of two of his lifelong best friends. 

richie, the only one of the two awake, leans over and holds his only hand with a sad look on his face, shushing him softly although it'll do nothing to help. he can't even imagine the pain he must be going through looking at a body part that's suddenly gone. 

then he looks down at the rest of his body and sees the big bandages covering his chest, and he realizes he's never going to look normal ever again. myra is going to be so disgusted when she finally sees him again. he doesn't even want to see her, though. he hasn't been in love with her for a while, he finally came to terms with that when he had walked into the restaurant a short while ago and saw richie, dorky and handsome as always. 

"those are stitches, eds," the man, wearing cracked glasses and a sympathetic expression, explains. when he goes to touch them, richie pulls his hand back toward him with a shake of his head. "don't touch them, they need to heal."

he's freaking out, there's no question to that. jesus, his arm is gone. what was there only yesterday is now just a gross stub, forbidding him from doing anything a normal person can do on the daily. 

the only thing he can think of is that he needs water. he needs something to drink before he drowns in his own tears. 

he's about to reach over and grab the cup of water beside his bed but it's on his amputeed side and he just sobs harder. he attempts to reach but he can't even move because richie is still keeping him in place. 

the taller man scurries over to grab it and eddie's hand is shaking too badly to hold it, so he does what he deems acceptable and holds the cup against his dry lips, letting him drink. 

once he's finished, he looks back at his arm with a snivel, frowning deeply.

richie puts his hand on his shoulder and rubs it comfortingly, trying to tranquilize him so he can feel better. 

neither of them say a word, not even bill when he stirs awake in the chair across the room, until eddie's meltdown finally dissipates. 

and of course richard wentworth tozier is the first one to speak up, again. what he says doesn't make eddie want to smack him, though.

"you're the cutest amputee i've ever seen," he pokes him on the nose, smiling. 

eddie blushes like he's still a teenager in love, sniffling.

-

mike and bill announce their relationship in a way nobody was expecting. they don't just flat-out blurt it to everybody in the room, or even say the words "we're dating". just, one day they're all in the hospital's cafeteria and when bill says he's departing to go to the bathroom, mike kisses him on the lips, casual as can be. 

bill had mentioned getting a divorce from audra one night when they were all hanging out at the townhouse, but they didn't realize it was because of mike hanlon. 

eddie's jaw drops, as does richie's, and beverly and ben are too busy snogging and flirting with each other to even catch it with their eyes. 

mike peers up from his tray of food to see them and shrugs, smiling as if he's head over heels (he is). "earth to the tozier's?" he jokes, stabbing his fork into a gross block of cheese. 

the raven-haired man scoffs, and doesn't even bother to take his arm out from around eddie's waist as he speaks. "what are you talking about? eddie's mom isn't even here," he feigns confusion, striving not to crack up. 

"fuck you," eddie grumbles, moving away from the other boy as far as he can without throwing himself off the table. 

"you love me."

-

richie is the only one in the friend group that isn't in a relationship. then again, he's been pining over eddie kaspbrak since he was in middle school.

he hopes that'll change soon, though. 

his hopes are high when him and his childhood crush are driving back to new york, taking eddie home. the younger man is sitting in the passenger seat when he sighs loudly and captures richie's attention. 

he looks back and forth between him and the road a couple times, and almost reached across the center console to hold a hand that isn't even there. his fingers curl up into a fist afterward, cursing himself for making a mistake as big as that. "what's on your mind?" he asks, because he can tell something's wrong. all those years of being close as can be are useful at a time like this. 

"we're getting a divorce," eddie admits, still gazing out the window. richie's eyes widen and he looks at him a bit longer than before, making sure they're still safe on the road. 

"really?" he asks with an audible swallow. 

the brunet nods, with a shrug of his shoulders as an answer. "i thought it was pretty obvious i'm not a heterosexual, and have wanted to be with you since i was a teenager," he mutters, and turns his head to see richie's shocked face. "or not?"

richie shakes his head, dismissing the questionable tone in his voice at the last words spoken. "no, no, don't get me wrong, i'm flattered, eds, but why would you marry her if you don't like her?" he asks yet another question. he doesn't want to pry but he needs to know this.

eddie sighs, shrugging once again. "i dunno, i guess i didn't want anybody to know, i didn't want to like boys, my mom said it was disgusting."

the older male reaches over and puts his hand on eddie's knee, comforting him without taking both hands off the wheel. "well, have you served her the papers?" when eddie nods, he sighs. taking his hand away but only so he can drive and keep them safe. he doesn't want to make eddie lose any more body parts while he's in his sight. 

nobody talks for a bit, as it begins to rain, and eddie leans his head against the window. scratching his shoulder with his only hand left. "let's get a hotel room," he blatantly suggests, and when he sees that shocked expression he smiles, shaking his head. "get your head out of the gutter. i just don't wanna see her until the divorce is final and i can finally get my shit and leave."

-

the warm water cascades along eddie's back, relieving some of the tension in his muscles that he's been feeling since his hospital visit. 

it's relaxing, for once his worries seem to dissipate and he finds himself not thinking about myra for the first time in a while. he just focuses on the steam infiltrating the room, standing under the steady stream just to feel something. 

he comes to the conclusion that he can't feel anything at all on the left side of his body, particularly his arm. 

as if he wasn't insecure enough now having to look down and see a stump, he's just now thinking about all the drawbacks he now has because he's only one-handed. 

like, for instance, taking a shower. using a shampoo bottle, trying to squeeze some out into his hand with that same hand. 

it's difficult. really, really difficult. it's pretty much impossible, he's not used to doing things like this and it fucking sucks.

there's tears in his eyes when he snaps the bottle shut and sets it back down on the floor of the shower, turning the water off. he can't even cross his arms over his chest uncomfortably anymore, or like how he used to do when he was a kid and richie would crack a joke about his mom. 

richie. richie's right outside of the bathroom, watching a random show on the hotel television while he lays in one of the two beds they'd rented for the next couple of nights. there's even a chance he's asleep by now. 

he's not asleep, though, and eddie finds that out when he bursts into the bathroom unannounced. "sorry, eds, i gotta piss," he exclaims, so eddie can hear him. 

before he can even unzip his pants, he's stopped, because eddie goes, "rich?" in a sad, trembling voice and that captures his full blown attention. 

the older man steps toward the shower and pulls back just a bit of the curtain so he can see eddie's heartbroken face. he pouts, looking down at his arm and then the other half of one. "need help?" he asks, without hesitation. 

he can't even go all off about how gross it would be for them to shower together, and he only nods sheepishly, twisting his mouth as a tear drops down his already wet face. 

richie steps out of all his clothing but his boxers and then hops right into the shower, turning the water back on. it's just warm enough for eddie; he knows that he's always been one for hot water, even since they were kids. 

eddie leans forward and presses his head against richie's bare chest, shoulders shaking as well as his bottom lip. he's crying again, just like he was when he first woke up in the hospital, and it breaks richie's heart. 

neither of them say anything while he sobs into richie's damp skin, and he can't even hug him anymore and that makes him cry even harder. 

"i can't do anything anymore," he hiccups, shaking his head. 

richie's fingers hook around his shoulders, digging into his skin and massaging his muscles gently to tranquilize him. "that's why you have me," he murmurs, just loud enough for him to hear. he drags his fingers up his neck and once he gets to his head, he tilts his chin up with only his pointer finger, looking him in the eyes. 

their faces are so close, if anybody were to walk in on them, they probably would've assumed they were getting it on in there. eddie's red eyes are wide and keep looking down to his lips and then right back up to his eyes. "richie, i'm still married," he sniffles, looking guilty for feeling so intimate with his best friend. 

the water patterns down onto both of their faces, making them feel as if they're in a romantic drama, about to kiss in the rain after years upon years of pent up feelings. 

the raven-haired man gives him a little smile, eddie can tell there's a hint of pain in it and he feels bad. "the day it's finalized, i'm gonna kiss you so hard," he whispers, glancing at his pink, slightly swollen lips. 

the rest of their shower together consists of richie helping him with any bottles he needs opened and occasionally touching his body in any loving way he possibly can without getting near his lower half in the slightest. he helps him get dressed afterward, and then they sleep in separate beds, as if it never even happened. 

-

their one-time shower soon transforms into an everyday type of thing. they both blame it on the fact that eddie can't do anything on his own anymore, but it's quite obvious that's not the only reason. 

they're only in the hotel for four days when eddie steps out of a cab in the rain, holding up his only hand to show richie that he's free of the sparkling ring on his finger. 

richie grins, teeth and all, as he sprints away from the front doors of the hotel so he can grab his face immediately and press their lips together. 

the brunet sighs quite loudly, using his hand to rest against his chest, still smiling through their kiss. 

it's heaven, really. he knew it would be good but not this good.

somebody whistles at them as they walk by on the street, filtering out an old person that yells profanities at the romantic gesture. 

"i love you so much," the dark-haired man admits when they pull away, only for eddie to lean back up and kiss him again. 

he doesn't say it back. richie knows he's not quite ready to say it yet, just getting out of a messy divorce. that doesn't mean he's not allowed to say it, though. 

the second time they pull away, they stare at each other with big smiles on their faces. richie wraps one arm around his waist as they both start walking back into the hotel, keeping him as close as possible. "i could go for a shower," eddie suggests, laughing a little. 

-

despite having richie around to help, eddie still gets frustrated and self-conscious about his arm. 

they live together now, at richie's apartment in los angeles. his home is definitely a lot nicer when there's another person occupying it. 

they spend their days together, except for when richie has to go to work. many of his jokes (that he's beginning to finally write himself) are about eddie, about their childhoods and such. eddie always lays in their shared bed and watches him when he's on, shaking his head at the silly jokes he cracks but nevertheless smiling every time he sees his boyfriend's face and how happy he makes everybody in the audience. 

but it's usually later in the night, when richie doesn't get home until around two in the morning, when he begins to feel a bit upset, especially tonight, after richie made a joke about his amputee boyfriend on live television, in front of thousands of people. 

he's so used to having the older man around that when the time comes for him to do things on his own, he finds it increasingly difficult. 

the tears in his eyes are quite obvious as he pads downstairs in the middle of the night, waiting for mr. tozier to come back home. he can't really sleep well without him anymore, now that they've been together for months and are constantly around each other. 

he cries a lot. he hates how much he does but he can't help it. it's usually because of his body - the amputation ruined his confidence and no matter how much richie reassures him that he looks amazing the way he is, he doesn't believe it for a second. 

which is why, when richie finally pulls into the driveway and enters the house after being gone so long, eddie immediately scurries into his arms, sniveling. 

the ravenette wraps him up in a tight hug without hesitation, stroking the hair at the back of his neck. "you okay?" he asks, although he knows the answer. 

eddie just shrugs, pillowing his head against richie's chest. "i-i need help brushing my teeth," he admits, sheepishly. 

richie nods simply, letting go of him so he can lead him back upstairs and into the bathroom down the hall. he sends a reassuring smile his way as he fetches his toothbrush out of the cupboard and wets it, squeezing the toothpaste out (which is the most difficult thing for eddie to do in this situation). 

he turns around and sticks the toothbrush in eddie's mouth, making him laugh through his slowing tears. 

it's quiet as they both do their own thing. eddie brushes his teeth as richie changes into some shorts and a gray hoodie, coming back into the bathroom just so he can wrap his arms around eddie's shoulders and nuzzle up to him. 

he kisses the back of his neck, scratching at his back underneath his t-shirt with his eyes closed. "i'm so tired, eds," he sighs, voice just above a murmur. 

eddie nods, agreeing with him. 

"i just wanna apologize for the joke i made about you tonight," richie squeezes his shoulder, opening his eyes just so he can look eddie in the eye through the mirror. "it was shitty of me to do, and i'm so sorry. you're more than your body, which is beautiful, by the way."

they act like such teenagers when they get intimate. they're shy, and they blush and their kisses are usually sloppy and drag on forever and they're always cuddling, arms around each other. eddie, who's turning forty this year, supposes it's because they weren't able to be teenagers in love. 

he shrugs again, spitting into the sink and letting richie take the toothbrush out of his hand and rinse it in the water. "i thought it was kind of funny," he admits, cheeks a bit dark. 

richie turns around to face him with a confused look on his face. "you never laugh at my jokes," he draws his brows together, turning right back around when eddie shrugs so he can put the toothbrush back in the cupboard and grab his very own one. 

"i love you so much it's kinda hard not to laugh at you, no matter how stupid your jokes are."

the tall man freezes, wet toothbrush in mouth, until he picks up his head and they make eye contact in the mirror. "love me?" he repeats, voice muffled as toothpaste dribbles down his chin. 

neither of them speak as richie immediately spits and rinses his mouth before he shifts, kissing eddie on the lips. 

it goes on for a while, as they practically snog in the bathroom, richie's cold hands on eddie's cheeks.

"i love you and your half of an arm, too, spaghetti man."

"fuck you," the brunet groans, pushing his hands away from his head. 

he only nudges him toward the shower with a grin on his face. "get in the shower and maybe i will."

eddie leans up on his tiptoes to kiss his boyfriend again, hand placed on his chest where it usually goes when they kiss. "only if we go back to the bedroom," he shakes his head.

"guess i forgot my little amputee can't keep his balance against the wall, sorry eds."

"i literally hate you."

"you love me."

"yeah."


End file.
